Memories of Shadows, Smoke and My Family
by Pups Paws
Summary: A Story after and Including Shadow. No dialouge....just Dean and his thoughts. So...Dean POV...hope you like it. You know the drill, read and review...please...I'll be nice and write more if you do!


_**Memories of Shadows, Smoke and My Family. **_

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I'm back!!!!!!! 

BACK IN BLACK!!!

Ha...kidding.

This is following AND Including Shadow. Dean's Point Of View and what he felt. I hope I got ti right according to you guys!!

I hope you like it...cause I like it...and thats all that matters, sorta...doesn't mean I don't care what you think. PLEASE Review.

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I woke up the next morning and instantly regretted the events of last night. My body was stiffer than a board, only I was sure that boards didn't feel the dull throb from cuts and bruises. In fact, boards didn't feel anything. Man; how I wished I was a board. 

But being the awesome brother that I am; I let out a croak for Sam to reply to. Upon receiving no reply I roll over.

_**Mistake**_

As I twist my body scabs began to split and bruises began to throb angrily. Warm blood began to trickle over my side and stains my shirt and whatever I was lying on.

_**Shit!**_

How badly it hurts!

I wonder I am gonna explode.

Black dots jump and dance in my eyes, threatening to over take me completely.

Calling on my training and what little stamina that meagre slumber had provided me with, I close my eyes and just try to breathe through it.

While trying to allay the burning pulsation that ran through my body, I struggle to recall

where I was and what the hell had happened to me.

A toxic smell of chemicals and putrid smoke fills my sense memory and I feel myself cringe and gag. That awful stench had been from the Flash Bang that Sam had set off.

But Why?

_**AH! **_

To scare away the shadow demons!

Memories of My father come back too. He'd been with us, albeit a short time, he'd proven that he was alive and alright and that he did care about us.

I remember him standing in that apartment, his short, stocky frame silhouetted against the night sky.

The tears that had welled in his eyes when he saw us for the first time in months.

I gave him a warm embrace. A rare moment and one I was glad to remember.

I'd been alright then, just a small cut under my right eye brow.

Nothing Major.

When I released him, Sam slunk over. Trying almost to blend with the shadows.

I could tell he was worried about his father. I could tell that he really wanted to hug him too.

But he didn't know whether or not Dad had actually forgiven him for that _**huge**_ fight

But instead of raising his voice and gesturing to the door like Sam expected, he spoke in a low quiet voice.

I knew that Dad was just as eager to make up.

Both soft voices were mixed with thick emotions.

Sammy couldn't hold 'em in!!

He'd begun to cry like a little girl.

I couldn't blame him; hell, I was emotional too.

When they apologized as best they could without using the word sorry, I felt as if God may actually have realized that I existed. That maybe he's stop shunning me.

When they embraced, my heart soared. Maybe there was hope for us to be a family again. Maybe everything would be okay. Maybe God would help us along.

I deserved that much!!

But again! God left me high and dry in my hour of need.

Another thread to add to my already huge _'There is no higher power'_ ball of string.

When Sam and Dad pulled apart, Dad was ripped away from us and thrown into the mini kitchen thing.

Fear uncurled itself and spread its darkness inside me, as I watched Sam recoil and drop to the floor. Writhing in pain as blood began to leave his young body through wound caused my unseen claws.

I let out a scream.

Trying to deny the shadows, to deny the wounds. To deny that we'd been discovered.

Desperate to bring back that tender family moment. The one that gave me hope for our reunion into the great and powerful Winchester unit.

But it had been lost forever, it sank beneath the rolling black sea that is my life.

Now me, my little brother and my father had to keep from drowning in it too.

As the shadow's claw ripped across my chest and dragged me downwards, the cry of desperation died in the cold air.

To be replaced with the howling of shadows.

That howling still haunts me.

Brings back the memories of the blood curdling screams that those savage beast elicited from my family.

Sam's screams as the claws raked his shoulders and face.

The un-natural way my father screamed.

Still chills me to the bone.

I vaguely remember rolling onto my side, the unforgiving claws had relented in their assault on the supple skin of my prone body.

Pain buzzed through every nerve.

Like fire it spread all over, freezing me where I lay.

Looking up through the haze that had fallen over my eyes I saw shadows dancing over my father.

Hovering over my brother.

I was petrified by their screams of agony.

I wanted so badly for it to stop and for silence to fall.

But I wanted them to keep screaming too.

It meant that they were still alive.

When they stopped screaming, they died.

Sam's screams suddenly died and my heart skipped a few hundred beats.

Why had he fallen silent so quickly?

What had happened?

Sam couldn't have seriously given up?

Could he?

It was agony to know he was in agony.

I looked up again, tilting my stinging head back so I didn't have to un-curl from the foetal position.

I saw Sammy, un-curling, blood staining dark crimson shapes on his shirt.

Blood dripping from the gashes in his face.

He crawled over to the bag that he'd discarded earlier.

My love for the kid soared as I remember berating him for bringing it up.

He was right

Better safe than sorry.

I heard him demand for me to shut my eyes and I obeyed.

My eyes slid shut and the darkness became my world.

But the thin lids over my eyes didn't stop the bright white light from intruding on my personal darkness.

My mind snapped into reality as I heard the hisses and screeches as the shadows were chased away by the purifying white light of the flash bang.

The thick smoke began to waft its way up my nose and mouth and suddenly breathing became a chore.

I squinted open my eyes, coughing as I rolled onto my hands and knees.

I called to my father, hoping he was still alive as I couldn't hear his screams anymore.

When he replied with that gruff voice with no trace of even the slightest pain, I wondered if it had been him screaming while the shadows tore him apart.

Brushing away this thought, I followed the direction of the voice.

As I followed the voice, I became aware of not only my own breathing but Sam's too.

He was wheezing, coughing, choking down breaths of no oxygen but smoke.

I hated to hear that noise and I was worried that he'd choke to death.

I demanded that he leave, but I doubt he heard me over the hissing of the toxic smoke that was being emitted from the Flash Bang.

Although I was dying of worry with Sam, my mind struck back to reality as my outstretched hands latched onto a solid boot.

Forgetting Sam for that moment, I concentrated on hauling my father to his feet and making my way to the door.

Getting him safe.

I just couldn't see through the thick swirling smoke and the white shafts of light that shone though it. It was annoying to be blind and helpless while trying to play the hero.

I get why blind people aren't firefighters now.

But for some reason; when god had forsaken me. Lady Luck smiled at me.

Damn, she is a fine woman. Wouldn't mind finding her and giving her the night to remember.

She's played a big part in my life.

She smiled at me and my probing palm gripped the door handle.

I thanked her and forced it open.

Unfortunately the smoke billowed out of the new exit and filled the hall before we could take a breath.

Still coughing and choking, we descended the building. Dad was on my shoulder.

To be relieved was an understatement when I heard Sam coughing behind me, following me with that god-blessed bag of his over his shoulder.

I really need to hug that bag.

By the time we broke into the fresh night air, the flash bang was beginning to die. The beams of light coming from our apartment windows were no longer so blinding.

I wasn't concerned about that. I was concerned that my lungs would burst.

I was taking great gasps of air amidst huge hacking coughs that threatened to consume me.

I was dimly aware that Sam was doing the same.

Before long we reached the car.

By this time, my form was so contorted, so bent that I seemed to be clinging to Dad for support.

Sam began babbling on about hurrying and my mind hit overload.

I let my father go, sure that he could stand on his own.

Put a delicate arm across my warm, sticky abdomen and looked hard at my brother, while demanding attention.

Soon as I saw the look on his face, the rips running through his soft skin on his cheek, the lone claw mark that almost broken his nose, I suddenly felt very ill.

I was wrong for Sam to look like that. It was wrong for that crimson life to be running from Sam.

With a quick glance at my Father. I confirmed that blood was also leaving him too.

'_**Meg was right'. **_

It came like a freight train, smashing through any hope for a family that I had left.

Me and Sam were dangerous to my father.

We got him hurt

He couldn't stay.

Doing my best to remain the _**BIG**_ brother. I explained my realization to Sam.

Telling Dad to scram was hard.

But swallowing the look of betrayal and hurt in Sam's eyes was harder.

I had always been on his side in this argument. And now…

I had abandoned him.

The look in his brown puppy dog eyes still makes me feel guilty. I still cringe

He was so desperate. So pleading that I had to look away.

The dull greyness of the Chicago city was more comforting that it had ever been.

All the sickly yellow puddles of light splashed onto the glistening pavement.

Must have been raining.

The Impala's surface had little beads of water droplets that had come together all over her duco.

Yep….Rain.

The distractions didn't last to long, much to my disappointment. I heard Sam begging Dad.

Sam and begging don't go well.

In fact, it almost always results in hot, salty tears and a slammed door

Whether or not Sam was two or twenty-two. He wasn't afraid of crying.

Huh….I wonder if I'm afraid of crying.

The tears never seem to fall. My eyes well up and my voice breaks….but the tears don't fall.

I can't consciously remember a time when tears have fallen.

Now that I think about it. I never cried over Mom.

Not ever.

I suppose it was one of those things that hurt so bad that the tears burned up.

I heard Dad speak gently to Sam and it broke me out of my reverie.

He spoke as an adult would to a tantrum-ridden child. Coaxing them to do the right thing.

Finally I look up, to see Sam drop his hand to his side, eyes full of tears.

He was angry and upset, but he knew that what Dad said was the truth. He knew that what I said was the truth.

And that he was wrong.

So the tears were probably out of the unfairness of the world to him.

His eyes were so full of tears that I'm sure if I looked hard enough I would have seen a goldfish in there.

I'll call him….mini-Sam.

My father gave me a glance. Maybe more of a look.

Worried, concerned….fearful.

He thought I was gonna pass out.

Maybe any other person would have. But not me. Not the mighty Dean Winchester.

I wouldn't let it overtake me. I had to get Sam to a safe place. Where we could both _**rest**_.

Dad drove off in his big black truck, telling us to be careful.

For a long time, we stood there.

Me and Sam

Sam and me,

Just standing there, staring at the corner that had allowed the black truck to disappear.

Both our minds undoubtedly on the _**'what ifs'**_

But I am never one to dwell on the possibilities.

I could sense Sam swaying, exhaustion threatening his consciousness,

With a simple murmured command, I opened the door and slid into my seat behind the steering wheel.

My body protested and the wounds began to throb with agitation.

I hate throbbing….if you haven't' noticed.

For a second, I leaned back and let a breath escape through my clenched teeth.

I had to fight through the agitation and find a calm centre.

Just get the job done.

I waited for Sam to get his lanky ass into the seat beside me. And I used this time to find my composure again.

I found it just as Sam slid into place next to me.

Was it that I had found composure or that Sam had given it to me.

Either way, I was too spent to care. I started her engine and drove off into the night.

The opposite way to my father.

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Beyond there gets really fuzzy.

I drove for at least twenty minutes, clinging to consciousness like a drowned rat to an overhanging branch.

Sam lost that battle quick and was soon slumped against the window.

His breathe were shallow and sharp.

But at least they were breaths.

I stopped at the first motel I saw and got us a room.

I ignored the shocked look on the owners face when he saw me covered in blood, limped and looking as if I was about to drop dead.

Some how…this part I forget. I got Sam inside.

He's difficult to move when I'm full strength, I don't understand what happened when I was teetering on the edge of consciousness.

Anyway….I got Sam inside and then crawled into the cover and let exhaustion take me willingly.

So NOW I come full circle. I'm lying her in bed begging any power that be not to pass out.

I got things to do, a shower would be nice and bandage these wounds and check on Sammy.

Clean the car of blood and try and get us both to heal fast enough.

There's a lot to do and I don't feel up to it alone.

So I call feebly out to Sam again.

This time I get a reply.

It's to my right, so I gingerly turn my head.

Oh god…..how it throbs and aches.

But my insides halt their nervous vibrations when I see my little brother lying on the bed beside me.

My breathing calms and a half smile comes to my swollen face.

Sammy gives me a slight smile, laced with pain. But its enough.

I know he's okay. That Dad's okay. That I'm okay.

That we all survive the shadows.

All desire to be a family seems frivolous now.

As long as I'm with Sam. It's a good enough family for me.

I hope he feels to same way.

He's asking me how I feel.

I'm just fine kiddo. Sp long as you are fine too.

So long as you are with me.

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If you read it. I LOVE YOU. If not...you still deserve love! Hope you enjoyed it. Should I continue writting this stuff. And hey...if you like it? Read Fight and Lose. Got heaps of love for that one. 

Yeah...I'm a shameless slef promoter.

Gotta be nasty to survive on the rear end of the world. :

_**Shape Shifters aren't so bad...you're just jealous.**_


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